being me

The determination flows in me to be myself. Not just to follow the flow, but choosing the right flow. Sometimes we get mixed up with the situations that we thought we could survive in but the truth is, we're just being an actor in our own poor plays. Got what I mean?

Yess! it always happen to me. In some circumstances, we behave as if we're comfortable being in a clique of people but yet the air felt so thick and so unbreatheable, we draw false smiles in our faces, we laughed our head off but in fact in ourselves, we're just making it all up.

In other times, we failed to be ourselves just to satisfied others, to make them happy as we know that it's hard for them to understand and to accept the real us. But its ok then. If they didn't understand us, just let us understand them, and act what they want us to be. right?

I don't know what had happened to myself. Always thinking about others feeling, about what they felt about me, trying to make them satisfied, making them happy, but still, problems came, unsatisfied people, looking for troubles, self weaknesses became target. I felt like I've lost myself. We couldn't always make people satisfied. But is Allah satisfied with us?

O Allah..please help me.. I'm in trouble..
Correct me what must be corrected
defend me what must be defended
show me whats right from wrong...
O Allah.
O Allah..
O Allah...

I was so far from you
Yet to me you were always so close
I wandered lost in the dark
I closed my eyes toward the signs
You put in my way
I walked everyday
further and further away from you

O Allah, you brought me home
I thank you with every breath I take

Ahh..
All these things are nonsense.
and bluffings...
Just think out of the box!
I have more important things to be thought of
the solution for this breaking ummah.
dakwah. yes!
palestine. yes!
future. for sure!
I must stop all these nonsense now!